I used to cut myself and hated my body….

I still have the scars on my body from when I would self-harm as a depressed teenager. My life at the time was full of angst, restlessness and depression. I only thought about escaping. I found little to no joy in my life experience and I felt trapped in a body that I hated. Eventually this changed, but not without many more years of self-harm and self abuse. 

I remember the first time that I tried to end my life. I was probably about 16 years old and had just gone through a break up with my first boyfriend. He and I had spent a magical summer together and I had my first sexual experience with him. He ended up going to college in a city 3 hours away with no warning. I felt heartbroken and confused. It was clear looking back that I had become deeply attached to his validation. 

Fast forward 31 years later and through many failed codependent relationships, I finally feel free from the tendency to attach to others in this way. How did I do this? What methods were helpful to me and how can you break free from codependency in your own relationships? The key to my transformation lies in a deep daily practice of self-acceptance. 

I now understand that the reason that I attached so deeply to external validation is because I saw no value in myself. I lacked the appreciation of myself as a unique human being and equated my value to others opinions of me. This is actual bondage on emotional and physical levels. There is no denying now how much more liberated I feel in life and how much more confident that I feel. 

The common belief I had during those years before my awakening, was that unless others saw me as valuable I had no actual worth. I felt worthless unless I received attention from others. This could even be negative attention in the form of abuse. Regardless I saw all attention directed at me as validation. 

This self destructive pattern was very challenging to break. I had become used to the feelings and comfortable in the uncomfortability. It wasn’t until I had the most traumatic experience of my life in an abusive relationship and hit “rock bottom” that I began to seek out ways to break free from this cycle.

Not only am I in a healthy, loving relationship with myself, but I have also gained the tools to help others break free from these patterns by first recognizing them and accepting them. This can be a difficult process as it may be almost too much to look at one’s shadow side. I believe with the proper support and loving space holding of someone who has gone through the initiation and come out on the other side transformed, you can be liberated from this type of mental bondage. 

I would love to work with your intentions and help you find greater access to self acceptance and ultimately peace with what is……

Reach out to me to share your story. I would love to hear from you.